Of course

Went in for my u/s this morning.  My favorite tech was there and took me back right away.  It's amazing how much has changed since my first u/s nearly six months ago.  I was so nervous and it ended up being incredibly painful.  Now I just lay back and it's only uncomfortable when they dig around to find my elusive right ovary.  The tech finished up quickly and looked at me sadly.  My lining was holding strong at 13mm.  I was grateful she told me right away, it actually caught me a little off guard.

Originally Dr. S had said that if my lining was still too thick then we would go the D&C route.  Well I got a voice mail from the nurse during lunch.  I am to call on Sunday morning and leave a message about the state of my bleeding.  If it is gone or is just light spotting then we will do the endometrial biopsy on Monday.  Considering my spotting is almost gone today, we might have a chance to pull this off.

Things have hit a real low for my mental well being lately.  It feels like more and more negativity is just piling on top of me.  Dave brought it up during lunch, he can always tell when I'm upset.  Honestly I just need some good news or to have something go our way.  I am sick and tired of broken appliances, broken cars, and my broken reproductive system.  Oh well, at least tonight is my last night of Provera.  That shit makes me absolutely insane.

Friday

That is the day we either move forward with treatment or schedule a D&C.  

I love our RE office so much.  Their main office is about 30 minutes from home and another 30 minutes from our office.  We usually go to their satellite office during the week since it is about 5 minutes away from our work.  When I talked to the nurse earlier about the Friday ultrasound she booked us for 6:45 AM at the main office.  Not a big deal, we would just have to leave extra early.  Well not ten minutes later she calls back saying that they could accommodate us at the satellite location right at 8 AM if that would be easier for us.  

The nurses and receptionists are so wonderful.  They really make you feel like an individual, not just another name on a file.  I feel that we are very lucky do have such a wonderful RE, with a caring staff, that is so close to our home and work.  It has really made these past 6 months of testing, setbacks, and shocking news bearable.

Ready for that good news

Well looks like we will be buying a new washer dryer.  The machine in our condo is a laundry center, washer on bottom and dryer on top stuffed into a small utilities closet, and it's about ten years old.  Apparently the sealant for the dryer hose had disintegrated so lint was being funneled into the circuitry.  Lint plus circuitry equals fire.  Yes, there had been a small lint fire inside the machine which melted all of the wiring and circuit boards.  While extremely thankful that the fire was small and contained, I can't help but feel that the universe is just taking great pleasure in beating me down.

  

We'll be waiting for the 4th of July sales to buy a new laundry center since they run about $1200.  The Sears repair tech gave us a $100 off coupon so that will help as well.  

Started Provera Take 2: Electric Boogaloo on Saturday night.  I will be happy if this is the last time I have to take them.  They make me incredibly nauseous, tired, and irritable.  I have been researching D&Cs and feel a little bit better about the procedure.  I don't want to be put under completely, that really freaks me out.  Twilight sleep seems like a much better option.  No need for a breathing tube and a faster recovery time as well.  If we do end up going this route it'll most likely be scheduled for when we get back from St. Lucia.  I really really don't want to spend our anniversary vacation abstaining.  Selfish I know, but that may put us on a better timeline to possibly start Clomid in mid August.    

Faked out

Woke up this morning to very light brown spotting.  Go to the bathroom a few hours later and have a moderate reddish brown flow.

I called the office and talked to the nurse since it's been a week since I finished Provera.  She called me back with Dr. S's orders.  Seven more days of Provera.  On the last day I will go in for an ultrasound in the morning to check my lining.  If it's thinned out, awesome.  If it's still thick I will have to go in for a D&C.  So now it's back to the waiting game.

3 weeks

This is where Dave and I will be in 3 weeks.  Laying on lounge chairs, scotch/fruity cocktail in hand, and reading books under the beautiful St. Lucia skies.  I am beyond excited for this vacation.    

It is CD 38 and the bleeding saga continues.  Today it has been going back and forth between a moderate brown and dark red flow.  If it's still happening tomorrow or changes to more red I will call Dr. S.  I have no idea where we can go from here.  At this point I just don't want to be bleeding during our vacation.  If that means a month or two of BCPs, then so be it.  Maybe that would shrink my lining a bit.

In better news, the dryer should be getting fixed on Saturday morning.  I can't wait to be able to do laundry again.  We gave away our old entertainment unit to our friends J&K.  It has been sitting in the second bedroom just taking up space.  Now we can start reclaiming that room!  Just need to move some stuff into our attic space, preferably on a day that isn't too hot.  Hopefully we can get some stuff done this weekend!

New look

I was getting pretty tired of my blog template and found the great Cutest Blog on the Block site via a fellow Bumpie Sueann.  It's filled with awesome backgrounds and banners to customize your blog.  I'm not really sure what direction I am heading in with the design of this blog.  I always imagined this blog being about a very nerdy pregnancy and subsequent nerdy parenting.  As of right now it is a virtual diary to vent my frustrations about IF and TTCAL.  I've had plenty of ideas of weekly posts about board games, fashion, video games, etc. though do not have the motivation to start them up.      

I really thought we would be at a different place in our lives by now.  Our sweet bean would be around 7 months old right now.  I never imagined we would be here, stuck in a holding pattern for over a month and held hostage by the whims of my little uterus.  The spotting has turned into a dark reddish brown flow though, I imagine my period will start any day now.      

It's been a very hard few weeks and our vacation cannot come soon enough.  A few days of doing nothing except laying by the pool and drinking fruity cocktails is just what my body and soul need right now.  I think I also need to reset some priorities and not let TTC take over my life so much.  Just need to find a new project to throw myself into.  Perhaps doing a weekly fashion post would be a good start.

Also, I tried to make the text as readable as possible.  Please let me know if you have trouble reading anything.  If need be I will add a semi transparent background.    

Still spotting

This is never going to end.  I feel completely helpless.  Took the last Provera pill on Friday night and had a very light spotting day on Saturday.  Come Sunday and today, back to heavy brown spotting with tinges of pink.  I've also been experiencing very sharp cramping from both ovaries.  Perhaps my period will be starting soon?  Or perhaps my right ovary is trying to burst out of my abdomen, that's pretty much what it feels like right now.  Wouldn't that be lovely.

I hate feeling like this.  I just want a little progress, to feel like something is going our way.  Instead I have a malfunctioning uterus, a busted dryer, and busted A/C in my car with a bonus slow leaking tire.  That's just how I wanted to spend our extra money, no need to throw it into our kitchen remodeling fund like originally planned.  We already had to replace Dave's car windshield last week.

When is it our turn for good news?

Almost halfway through

Tonight will mark Provera pill #4.  I stayed home sick yesterday after spending a good portion of the morning throwing up.  My body does not do well with new medications and the Provera has really made me feel like crap.  I am really ready for the bleeding to stop so we can move forward with the biopsy.  It has been reduced to brown spotting so far, but still prevalent enough that I have to wear a pad.

I think I'll be skipping the "before" picture for our month of strict paleo and exercise at this point.  In the first week alone I lost 5 lbs which had me really happy.  Here are my weight and measurements as of June 8th:

Weight: 156.9 lbs
Neck: 14 inches  
Bicep: 12 inches
Forearm: 10.5 inches
Chest: 40 inches
Waist: 31.5 inches
Hips: 41.5 inches
Thigh: 23.5 inches
Calf: 15 inches

I will track my weight every Saturday, but will not redo any measurements until July 6th.  We leave for St. Lucia in less than a month, I really need to get my rear in gear.

One or the other

Yesterday sucked.

After getting to work I had a huge project dumped on my desk.  It's extremely tedious and mind numbing and will probably take at least a week to finish.  Then lunch takes about two hours to be delivered.  Already at the point where my stomach is about to eat itself, I ripped open the cover and almost cried.  Even though the instruction of 'no shrimp' was given three times, there sat a few huge pieces of smelly shrimp on top of my chicken picadinho.  I could barely stomach it, everything tasted like shrimp.  We will never be ordering from them again.

We left work a little early so I could get my blood drawn.  Seeing the craptastic day I was having, Dave made reservations at our favorite restaurant.  Dinner was amazing and we witnessed a stunning example of bad parenting mixed with awesome restaurant owners.  Firstly, it's a very small restaurant.  A couple walks in with their young son and he immediately starts running around the tables as the parents stand near the door conversing.  The owner, B, asks them to attend to their child.  They don't move a muscle and the kid goes running towards the counter to look at the fish tank.  Chef D comes out and again asks the parents to take care of their child, stating children are not allowed to run around unsupervised in the restaurant.  Finally the father goes over to the little boy, who is banging on the fish tank yelling "MY FISHY!", and grabs him.  Thankfully they decided to leave.  It was a very nice night and we passed out soon after getting home.

Today, as I continued to work on the doom project, I got a call back from one of the nurses.  My blood work came back and there were two options.  Well maybe not options.  If my bleeding, which is still going strong, has ended by tomorrow morning then I will call Dr. S to schedule the biopsy.  If I am stil bleeding then I will start Provera on Saturday night for seven days.  Once the bleeding stops we'll revisit the biopsy.  So I have the Provera and a bottle of Motrin IB, one of them will be opened in the next few days.

Overwhelmed

So remember that light bleeding that started on Sunday?  It died down and I was feeling confident that everything would go according to plan.  Think again Wolf.  By Monday evening the dam had broken and I started a medium flow.

Tuesday morning I called Dr. S.  He called me back later in the day and I told him about the bleeding.  He wanted me to come in for the appointment anyway, at the very least he could do an u/s and wanted to draw blood to check my hormones.  Feeling frustrated, I decided to let it all out by starting a new workout routine.  It's the Nerd Fitness Beginner Body Weight Workout.  Here's the rundown:

• 5 minute warm up
• 20 body weight squats
• 10 push ups
• 20 lunges
• 10 dumbbell rows (I'm using 5lb weights to start, hope to move up to the 12lbers soon)
• 15 second plank
• 30 jumping jacks
• Repeat a 2nd time
• Repeat a 3rd time if you can
• Stretch it out

I made it halfway through the second set before I had to stop.  Dave was very amused by my legs turning to jelly.  It felt great to be working out again, even though my quads are incredibly sore today.  The plan is to do that every Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday.  For Monday, Wednesday, Friday I would like to try the Nerd Fitness Interval Training.  Sunday will be a rest/walking day.

I really need to remember to take a before picture and measurements....

Anyway, I went in for my appointment this morning.  The nurse could not catch a vein, so I drank some water and we would try again after the u/s.  Dr. S did the u/s and my lining was at 13mm.  He feels it could be a lot of breakthrough bleeding due to my annovulatory cycles.  If my b/w comes back with low estrogen and progesterone, he will put me on BCPs for a bit to try and thin the lining out.  Once my bleeding stops he'll get me in within 24-48 hours for the biopsy.

The nurse had no luck trying to draw blood.  She felt bad and was hesitant to stick my hand.  Instead they wrote up the b/w and I made an appointment at LabCorp for this afternoon.  They should have the results within a day so we'll move forward from there.

Biopsy rescheduled

15 days

I steadily bled for 15 days.

When it finally stopped I called Dr. S and we rescheduled my biopsy for this coming Wednesday.  At this point I just want it over with.  I am sick and tired of my troll body making my life miserable.  Dr. S said to call if I started bleeding again on Monday or Tuesday.  My first thought was if that happened I would need a long vacation in a small padded room.

Sunday afternoon I passed three clots and had a light, but steady red flow.  

Whiskey.  Tango.  Foxtrot.

I didn't know if I should laugh or cry.  Instead I ate the last of my chocolate peanut butter ice cream for dinner and watched Numbers with Dave.  It had turned brown by this morning, but if the red picks up again I will call Dr. S to discuss options.  

In an effort to keep both my sanity and try to shed the 25lbs I've gained since miscarrying last year, Dave and I decided to give another Whole 30 a try.  Things have quieted down at work, somewhat, and I'd rather not look like a beached whale on our vacation in St. Lucia.  Currently I weigh in at 160lbs, the most I have ever weighed.  My overall goal is to slim down and gain muscle, especially in my upper body.  I would like to be down in the 130 range for weight, but will focus more on measurements than the number on the scale.  We'll take our 'before' pictures tonight and do measurements, I will post those tomorrow.