Monday, November 25, 2013

Back in the game

Amazingly my period started late Thursday night, making Friday CD1.  When the nurse called me back to schedule baseline I asked her to talk to Dr. S about doing Clomid CD5-9 this time due to our holiday travels.  She said they really only do the 5-9 track for TI, but would ask him about it.  She called back less than five minutes later saying Dr. S had given the okay for it.  My baseline was set for Sunday morning.

Saturday evening we went to my old co-worker's Thankstoberfest, basically combining the delicious food of Thanksgiving (including one roasted and one fried turkey) and the delicious beer of Octoberfest.  It was really great to hang out with my old theater crew.  We stayed well into the night, but my 8am baseline appointment the following morning finally pushed us to leave a little before midnight.

My period had slowed quite a bit by Sunday morning, I was actually a bit worried that the lining check would show little improvement.  Well my uterus must have realized the ultrasound was today and started cramming like freshman before finals.  I noticed the increased bleeding while undressing for the ultrasound.  The tech put down a pad and by the end it was a horror show.  While trying to clean up and not bleed all over myself I forgot to ask the tech about the results.

We went wine tasting that afternoon with our couple friends J and K.  On the way to the first place, while trying to eat a very messy bagel sandwich while driving, I get a call from RE office.  Dave put the phone on speaker for me as I held my breath.  My lining looked good and we were all clear to start the cycle.  I start Clomid tomorrow night and have my first monitoring appointment Monday morning.  Celebratory wine tasting is much more fun than drowning your sorrows wine tasting.

I feel really good about this cycle.  Everything fell into place so perfectly to give us this one last shot for 2013.  I'm really interested to see how my ovaries react to the 5-9 track of Clomid.  Hopefully we get one or two mature follies on the left to work with.

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Feeling like myself again

It's been a while since I last updated.  Things have been very busy and honestly, I felt like a completely different person on birth control.  I started the placebo pills on Sunday and by Monday I truly felt like myself again.  My libido is back and I'm no longer having crazy mood swings.

This past weekend we went up to Boston to visit my parents and attend a friend's wedding.  While up we also had breakfast with my best friends from high school on Sunday.  One friend is 8 months pregnant with her second child, her oldest is 4.  We went to check out their new home and oohed and ahhed over the baby's room, the large backyard, and the close proximity to great schools.  We left soon after to make the long trek home.

When we got home I laid down in bed and played on my iPad.  I wasn't feeling well and wanted to relax.  Two games of Life later Dave came in to check on me.  I broke down crying like an idiot.  When he asked what was wrong I sobbed that I couldn't even have children in a stupid board game.  Welcome to crazy town, population one.  We talked and I told him how angry I was at myself for being jealous of my friend.  She was living my dream, when would it be our turn?

After much discussing we decided to cancel our break plans.  If my lining is okay and the timing works out then we will cycle again right away.  Dave always hated me being upset after our cycles failed, he didn't understand that I was more angry about the negative reaction my body has had after every medicated cycle.  Yes I was upset about not getting pregnant, but even more so at the giant cysts and crazy lining issues that have benched us.  He doesn't quite get how rare and bizarre these reactions are.

So as long as my period starts no earlier than late Wednesday, my lining looks okay, and Dr. S lets us do Clomid CD5-9 then we should be good to go.  The need for this exact timing is due to us traveling back up to Massachusetts for Thanksgiving.  We'd be gone during prime monitoring time if I did Clomid the usual CD3-7.  With the CD5-9 track my first monitoring appointment would fall just after Thanksgiving weekend if CD1 is anytime after Wednesday.  It doesn't feel as though my period will be showing up anytime soon so hopefully it holds out for another day.

Friday, November 8, 2013


That's how many active BCPs I have left to go.  It seems like this month is just dragging, I really wish there was some sort of shortcut to take.

Tonight I'm getting my hair dyed, it is looking incredibly sad with all the grays sprouting up.  I predict that I could let my hair grow out completely silver gray within in the next five years.  Would I be brave enough to do it?  Probably not.  My stylist is always excited to color my hair since I'll take chances, usually drifting into red territory.  They recently got some new colors, a few being in the beautiful auburn range.  I can't wait to see how it turns out.

Our kitchen remodel is about a month away.  With us going on a few trips in the coming weeks this weekend is going to dedicated to cleaning out the second bedroom.  It will be used as kitchen storage.  It always makes me a bit sad to do things with that room that aren't nursery related.  The silver lining I'm taking away from it is that we'll be clearing a lot of junk out of that room.  Hopefully it doesn't migrate back in there after the kitchen is done.


Monday, November 4, 2013

I hate November

November is the worst part of the year for me, made even worse this year by being benched.  We have now been trying to conceive for two years.  Two years of hoping, wishing, and heart break.  If I had not miscarried, that baby would be turning one this month.  We would have a one year old.

I never thought it would come to this point.  Everyone always said "oh you'll get pregnant again easily".  For many people that is true.  Most of the girls I knew from my time on TTCAL have gone on to have their rainbow babies.  Yet here my jealous ass sits, wondering if I will ever see a BFP again.

Yesterday marked the start of week #2 on birth control.  They make me extremely impatient and overly emotional.  I hate feeling like this, but will do almost anything if it will fix my lining issues.    It's going to be a fucking long November.