Thursday, December 27, 2012

Happy Holidays!

Well, 2012 is drawing to a close.  I will not be sad to see this incredibly shitty year end.  Instead of making the four hour trip to Boston with a ~5 week old infant for Christmas it was a four hour trip with an incredibly heavy period and cramping.  Yay.  Luckily the few days we got to spend with my family was amazing.  I really wish we could have stayed longer, but we had to drive back home right after Christmas dinner.

Looking on the bright side, Dave and I will be able to fully enjoy our New Years Eve festivities in NYC with friends.  My Rent The Runway dresses should be arriving today, getting a much needed haircut and color this evening, and will hopefully be having a much needed girly day with my gal pal Brea this weekend.  I still continue to hope that this will be our last NYE as a family of two.  A lot of great pieces have fallen into place over the past few months to give us incredible financial stability.  Here's hoping 2013 is a lot better than 2012.        

About Me
Day 12: 10 favorite actresses
  1. Anne Hathaway
  2. Charlize Theron
  3. Alyson Hannigan
  4. Colbie Smulders
  5. Julie Andrews
  6. Maggie Smith
  7. Tina Fey
  8. Jane Lynch
  9. Sigourney Weaver
  10. Milla Jovovich

Friday, December 21, 2012

(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻

Today is CD1 of cycle #15.  Standing on the precipice of 2013 it's hard to be excited for the new year.  We seem to be starting from such a low place, but the thought that this coming year could be worse than 2012 is scary.  Knowing that we will be starting IF testing in the next few months, my New Years Resolution is to be stronger than I have ever been before.  During my OB appointment last week I had a mini freak out during the PAP.  It hurt so much, my mind just went into a panic.  My OB is awesome and calmed me down, but after I felt ashamed for my regression.  Thankfully everything came back normal so no repeat was needed.  Though if I couldn't handle a PAP there isn't much hope for going through some of the IF tests with grace.  Therein lies the resolution for strength, possibly helped along with lots of pain medication.

All of our testing will have to be done through an RE.  When discussing hitting the year mark of trying to conceive, our early miscarriage in March, and subsequent anovulatory cycles Dr. OB printed out a sheet of REs they recommend.  There is no testing done at the OB practice.  Part of me is happy with that, it's nice to know Dr. OB is not a Clomid pusher.  Another part of me wishes we could get some preliminary testing out of the way, but a large portion of the IF journey is patience.  One of the RE teams recommended actually has an office in the town Dave and I work in.  Perfect!  Hopefully the wait for an appointment won't be too long after the New Year.

About Me
Day 11: 10 favorite actors
  1. Sir Ian McKellan
  2. Will Ferrell
  3. Steve Carell
  4. Harrison Ford
  5. Christian Bale
  6. Jason Segal
  7. Bruce Willis
  8. Hugh Jackman
  9. Robert Downey Jr.
  10. Tom Hiddleston

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Highs and lows

Still currently in two week wait limbo, yay.  I could be anywhere from 9DPO to 17DPO thanks to previously mentioned thermometer death, joy.  The reality of most likely having my period for Christmas is starting to sink in.  Of course my temperature took a slight dip this morning.  Optimistic Meg sees it as possible implantation dip.  Reality Check Meg sees the warning signs of impending pad purchasing and a very drunken Xmas Eve.

In other news, The Hobbit was amazing!  Seeing it in IMAX 3D was interesting, but gave me serious vertigo.  The screen was almost too big, it was hard to follow all of the action.  It was great to be able to share the experience with my nerdy family members.  We spent most of Saturday afternoon playing games and watching movies like Clue (both the game and the movie), Left Center Right, and Beetlejuice.  I really wish my family lived closer, hosting these types of events is so much fun.

We're shipping up to Boston Friday evening after work.  Unfortunately we have to head home Christmas Day, but we will make the most of the time we have.  Xmas Eve is shaping up to be a jam packed day of fun activities with extended family.  My goal is to enjoy it thoroughly since it could be our last Christmas as Wolf, party of two.

Image from the delightful Chibird

About Me
Day 10: 10 favorite novels (no repeats from favorite book series)

  1. The Loch by Steve Alten
  2. Riptide by Lincoln Child and Douglas Preston
  3. Congo by Michael Crichton
  4. Angels and Demons by Dan Brown
  5. Extinct by Charles Wilson
  6. Vampire Hunter D by Hideyuki Kikuchi
  7. The Watchmen by Alan Moore, Dave Gibbons, and John Higgins
  8. From Hell by Alan Moore and Eddie Campbell
  9. Jurassic Park by Michael Crichton
  10. Domain by Steve Alten

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

The precioussss

Is it Friday yet?  If so, then it's only one more day until we see The Hobbit!!!  We will be hosting a few fellow nerds from my side of the family (uncle, two cousins, my brother, and his friend) this weekend.  It's been our tradition to go see the LotR movies together ever since my uncle took me to see Fellowship back in 2001.  I am really looking forward to the future movie marathon of the full Hobbit and LotR trilogies in one weekend.

Tomorrow is my annual OB appointment, yay.  My temperature spiked up this morning which gives me hope that my period will hold off long enough to get the appointment done.  I've also had no spotting for a few days which is another great sign.  If my temperature stays up I may break down and take an HPT.  Since my old thermometer died mid cycle I am not 100% sure about my ovulation date and have a feeling it could have occurred 2-3 days later.  Getting to see those two pink lines before the end of the year would be the best Christmas/Hannukah gift ever.

About Me
Day 9: 10 favorite book series

  1. The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings by J.R.R. Tolkien
  2. A Song of Ice and Fire by George R.R. Martin
  3. Pendergast Novels by Douglas Preston and Lincoln Child
  4. Nikki Heat series by Richard Castle
  5. Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis
  6. Meg series by Steve Alten
  7. Nancy Drew series by Carolyn Keene
  8. Goosebumps/Fear Street by R.L. Stine
  9. Bones series by Kathy Reichs
  10. Harry Potter by J.K. Rowling

Monday, December 10, 2012

Street Wisdom

Since Dave and I have been terrible slackers when it comes to food shopping we had to go out for lunch today.  We went into town to Dave's favorite Mediterranean restaurant for falafel and shish kabob.  While walking down the street I noticed the benches in town had been painted with cute motifs and inspirational sayings.  Outside the awesome comic book store was one that made me tear up.

"If you want a rainbow, you have to deal with a little rain"

As 2012 is drawing to a close we can only hope that 2013 will be the year we finally make it through the rain and finally get our rainbow.

About Me
Day 8: 10 favorite desserts

  1. Tiramisu
  2. Chocolate mousse
  3. Cheesecake
  4. Peanut butter chocolate chip cookies
  5. Chocolate covered strawberries
  6. S'mores
  7. Apple pie
  8. Pumpkin pie fudge
  9. Creme Brulee
  10. Peppermint frosted brownies

Friday, December 7, 2012


Why did I start this blog?  What do I expect to gain from this experience?  Why not just write it down in a journal and lock it away?  What are my hopes and expectations in sharing our journey?

I have always been a private person, preferring to keep my emotions and thoughts to myself.  Great at listening and giving advice to friends, but shy and awkward in large groups.  Public speaking puts me in a cold sweat just thinking about it.  By having these thoughts published in a somewhat public place I am challenging myself to not only work on my writing, but also become more comfortable with letting myself speak freely.

My hopes for this blog are to document our journey into parenthood and raising our kids in a geeky fashion.  I also hope to be able to find the strength to share this blog with my family.  Very few people know about our loss and while we don't want to enforce the stigma of suffering in silence, we would rather have some happy news to share before letting them know about our struggles.  If there is anything we have learned over our six years together it's that we can make it through anything, no matter how bad things get.  Yes we are right in the thick of a bad storm now, but waiting for us on the other side is our rainbow. 

About Me
Day 7: 10 favorite drinks
  1. B. Nektar Zombie Killer Cherry Cyser
  2. Cupcake Moscato D'Asti
  3. Sangria
  4. Luca Malbec
  5. Leinenkugel Summer Shandy
  6. Lindemans Framboise Lambic
  7. Tiramisu Martini
  8. Milk and Baileys
  9. Silver Decoy Blueberry wine
  10. Adirondack Winery Wild Red

Thursday, December 6, 2012

Our Family

As previously mentioned, our little family consists of myself (27), Dave (30), and our three kitties Sakura (4), Hikaru (4), and Miria (1 1/2).  Yes, we are on the verge of being crazy cat people.  In our defense, they are really cute.

If someone had told us six years ago that we would one day own three cats they would have gotten very skeptical looks.  I love cats and grew up with two, but Dave was mildly allergic and not a big fan of kitties.  In fact, when we moved from our apartment to a condo four years ago we had every intention of getting a puppy.  Unfortunately, our realtor was misinformed about the condo association's no dog policy.  After much discussion the search was on for a cute kitten.

After having a disappointing encounter with one agency we finally found a great rescue a few towns over.  They specialized in catch, spay/neuter, and release in large feral cat communities.  While checking out their adoptable kitten list on this sweet little monkey caught our eye

One meeting with Hikaru, then Athena, was all it took to melt our hearts.  She was so tiny, but absolutely fearless.  We had only planned on adopting one, but it was easy to see that we're soft touches.  The foster mom quickly pointed out that Hikaru and her sister Sakura, then Venus, had bonded closely and asked if we would consider adopting both.

How could we resist that sweet little face?  So we came home with two little kittens.  It was one of the best decisions we ever made.  Now onto the question we get the most.  What is up with their names?  Dave and I  are huge anime (Japanese animation) nerds.  Hikaru is named after a character from Magic Knights Rayearth and Angelic Layer by CLAMP.  The character is small in stature, but feisty and tenacious.  A perfect name for our tiny yet brave tuxedo kitten.  Sakura is named after the title character of Card Captor Sakura also by CLAMP, a favorite of ours.  The character is energetic, smart, but can be skittish and reserved.  Fitting for the wary and clever gray and white kitty.

They have amazing personalities and at times act more like dogs than cats.  Super social, they will greet you at the door and expect immediate pets.  Sakura enjoys lounging on the back of the couch and watching TV with us while Hikaru prefers curling up under your blanket and napping.  

The summer before last it felt time to add to our little family.  Neither of us were ready for a baby so we started searching for a new kitty addition.  A new shelter had opened in our town and we found a sweet little girl named Taffy.  The shelter didn't do any testing on the strays so we brought her directly to our vet and kept her quarantined until the results came back.  The next day we got devastating news, she tested positive for feline leukemia.  With heavy hearts she was returned to the shelter, we could not risk the health of Hikaru and Sakura. 

We began our search again and decided to go back to the rescue that had given us our two sweet girls.  Browsing through their adoptable kittens one immediately caught our eye.

Little Miria, then Cassie, was another tiny kitten with tons of spunk.  We met her a few days later and quickly fell in love.  The foster mom had a large rabbit that ran around with the kittens and he was Miria's best friend.  Because of this she still hops like a bunny when running around the condo.  Her name comes from the anime Baccano after a character who is bubbly, talkative, and quite random. 

There was an icy period after bringing her home, as there usually is with introducing new pets.  It took time and patience, but now they are all the best of friends.  Sorry this got a little long, but we love our cats very much and they are a huge part of our lives.

About Me
Day 6: 10 favorite foods

  1. Mashed potatoes
  2. Chips and guacamole
  3. Chicken Saltimbocca
  4. Mac & cheese
  5. Grilled cheese and tomato
  6. Cheeseburgers
  7. Fried calamari
  8. Caprese (tomato, fresh mozzarella, and balsamic)
  9. Corned beef hash
  10. Shepherd's pie

Monday, December 3, 2012

Looking towards the future

I am feeling stronger and stronger as each day passes.  The "if"s are being replaced by "when"s, which is a huge step for me.  From the time of the miscarriage up until the EDD I felt trapped.  Every milestone dumped gallons of salty lemon juice onto a freshly reopened wound.  Now that is has passed I feel a great weight has been lifted from my shoulders.  The thought of having to deal with the EDD without being pregnant again was terrifying.  Honestly, the day wasn't so bad.

Now I feel free to move forward with far fewer expectations and stress.  I would love to get pregnant before Christmas so we can share our joy with my family in person, but it won't be the end of the world if we aren't.  Our company is switching insurance companies and one of the perks is that no referrals are needed for specialists.  So on January 3rd, if we have been unsuccessful in conceiving this cycle, I will be calling to set up a consultation with a Reproductive Endocrinologist.

No one wants to have to move onto infertility testing, but it is a sad truth for too many couples.  Since the miscarriage I have had 10 cycles.  One was a TTA (trying to avoid) cycle, 4 with confirmed ovulation, and 5 anovulatory (no ovulation).  Not a great track record.  Hopefully we get our little Christmas miracle though, I would love to be an August mama.

About Me
Day 5: 10 favorite baby names for girls

  1. Kiera: Irish meaning "black haired"
  2. Leila: Persian meaning "dark beauty, night"
  3. Talia: Hebrew meaning "gentle dew from heaven"
  4. Evelyn: English meaning "desired"
  5. Niamh (neev): Irish meaning "bright"
  6. Aoife (EE-fa): Irish meaning "beautiful, radiant"
  7. Lila: Arabis meaning "lilac"
  8. Ayla: Hebrew meaning "halo, moonlight"
  9. Aerin: Irish meaning "from the island to the west"
  10. Ailis (eye-lish): Irish meaning "noble"

Saturday, December 1, 2012


The past few months have been some of the hardest of my life.  To greet the day and carry on with life as normal while your heart shatters into a million pieces is torture.  You suffer in silence behind a mask of your former happy self.  Without the love and comfort of my husband it would have been easy to slip into a deep depression.  It is cliche, but he is my rock.  With his support I was able to get back on my feet and move forward.

Moving forward.  At one point I thought that action would be impossible.  How do you move forward when it seems your future has been ripped away from you?


About Me
Day 4: 10 favorite baby names for boys
  1. Eoin (oh-en): Irish meaning "God is Gracious"
  2. Declan: Irish meaning "full of goodness"
  3. Nathaniel: Hebrew meaning "Given/Gift if God"
  4. Flynn: Irish meaning "son of the red haired one"
  5. Ronan: Irish meaning "little seal"
  6. Tobias: Hebrew meaning "God is good"
  7. Ari: Hebrew meaning "Lion of God"
  8. Liam: Irish meaning "resolute protection"
  9. Landon: English meaning"long hill"
  10. Logan: Scottish meaning "small hollow"