Monday, December 30, 2013

Merry F'in Christmas

CD1 was Christmas Day.  Luckily being surrounded by family made the day much easier.  Wine helped too.  It was a relatively quick and easy period, getting my lining issues under control seems to have helped a lot in that department.  When I called in to report CD1 to the RE I also requested an appointment with Dr. S to talk about moving forward.  Since we've never been able to do back to back medicated cycles I didn't have much hope for our last ditch IUI.

Dave and I had already taken off Thursday and Friday in anticipation of Christmas in Boston so it turned into a staycation.  We got home mid-day Thursday and lazed around the house.  Friday morning I went in for CD3 monitoring.  As I was getting in the car to head home Dave called.  The kitchen renovation guys had arrived and were ready to rip our kitchen apart.  Being a week earlier than planned, we were not ready and agreed that Monday would be a better time to start.

Nurse V called that afternoon with my results.  There was a cyst on my right ovary and my estrogen levels were a bit high.  Surprise, surprise.  They wanted me to come back Sunday morning to check again and see if the cycle could be saved.  We spent the next two days cleaning up around the house and getting the kitchen ready for it's destruction.

Sunday morning I headed back to the office for blood work and vag cam date #2.  I got the fun vag and belly wand combo again.  The tech was very sweet though and finished up as fast as she could.  When she asked if I was still bleeding the thick lining alarm bells started going off in my brain.  I left the office firmly believing I'd be starting birth control that night.  Imagine my complete surprise when Nurse V called and instructed me to start the Clomid.

So here we are on CD6 with one Clomid pill down and four more to go.  I'm trying to be hopeful that we'll make it to IUI this time.  We have a sit down appointment with Dr. S next Monday so we'll have a plan in place should this cycle fail.  In the meantime Dave is working from home today as the kitchen guys rip out our old cabinets.  Here are some pics of the original kitchen, I'll post progress photos as we go along.
The cats were very confused.

They will be adding counter top and cabinets on this wall

Started ripping down the ugly wallpaper header.

New cabinets will go all the way to the ceiling

That microwave will be trashed and a new one will be installed above the stove

Monday, December 23, 2013

Rookie mistake

This weekend was crazy busy.  Dave and I finished up our Christmas shopping, got drunk on prickly pear margaritas with his folks, cleaned up around the house, I baked cookies, and wrapped all the presents.  All that's left to do is pack tonight.  We're going down to my brother's girlfriend's mom's house for Christmas this year.  My Dad is coming down on the train tomorrow evening and we'll pick him up after work and drive down together.

This weekend also brought two BFNs.  Saturday I took a FRER and after a few minutes it was a BFN.  An hour later I was cleaning and I made rookie mistake number one by looking at it again.  Of course there is a faint evap line that seems to have color to it.  Rookie mistake number two was letting myself get excited over it.  Luckily good sense took over quickly and the pee stick was tossed for good.  Sunday, after a night of drinking and barely any sleep, both a wondfo and FRER came up negative again.  This morning my temperature took a big dive meaning my period will be here anytime now.  Merry F'ing Christmas.

The plan at this point is to try Clomid+IUI one more time.  During the cycle I want to meet with Dr. S to go over our next step.  I really want to push for Mini IVF or IVF.  Unless we can magically make lefty the dominant ovary IUIs seem like a waste.  I'd like to give it a try though while we decide the next step, it's better than being on birth control.

In better news our kitchen renovation will now start on January 3rd.  We just have a few things to move into the guest room and ugly decorative liner to rip down.  So while we're ending 2013 on a low note, we'll be starting 2014 with a fancy new kitchen and hopefully be decided on the plan that creates our rainbow baby.

Thursday, December 19, 2013

Chrismannukah Spirit

I have been feeling pretty down lately.  With this cycle most likely being a bust and then our kitchen renovation being delayed there has been very little to distract me from negative thoughts.  The holidays are always a hard time, Christmas especially.  Facebook will explode with albums of baby's first Christmas, adorable pregnancy announcements, and wide eyed kids enjoying the wonder of the day.  As for me, I'll likely be on the rag and trying to get into the Christmas spirit as to not ruin the day for my family.

Dave has been really wonderful.  On Sunday morning, while letting me sleep in, he cleared out the ugly wire frame shelving we had in the corner of the living room and moved the cat tree to that space.  I had been wanting to get rid of that terrible dorm room quality shelving for a while and replace it with a more adult bookcase.  After waking up and going out to the living room I nearly cried.  He smiled, pointed to the empty space where the cat tree had been previously, and said it would be the perfect place for a tree.

We've never had the space for a Chrismannukah tree before and that has always made me a bit sad.  After browsing the Target site I found a great 6' pre-lit tree.  We went on Monday to pick it up, but the store by our place had sold out.  Luckily they were in stock at another store about 25 minutes away.  We stopped on our way home from work Tuesday and picked up the tree (which was 50% off!), some "shatter resistant" ornaments, penguin tree topper, and we each picked out a personal ornament from their white and silver animal collection.  I picked a penguin and Dave got a fox.

Once home we set up the tree, fluffed it up, got it plugged in, and hung our two personal ornaments and the topper.  We had no idea how the kitties would react to the tree.  The only previous experience with trees was when Sakura and Hikaru were 6 months old and we brought them up to my parents.  They hid under the tree and tried to eat it.    Miria had never seen one before and we weren't sure if she would try and climb it.  They were awestruck, Hikaru sat on the ottoman and just stared at the lights.
It's right behind me, isn't it?

My penguin and Dave's fox

Mr. Penguin topper

Luckily when we came home yesterday the tree was still upright, though the topper was askew, and there was little evidence of chewing.  We put up a smattering of the ball ornaments and if they survive we'll add a few more tonight.
Sakura was under the tree, still not quite sure about it
Hopefully next year we'll be adding a few more ornaments.  Specifically, a few baby's first Christmas ornaments.

Wednesday, December 11, 2013


The day after we get the kitchen almost completely packed up and put away I get a call from the contractor.  The installer won't be ready to start until next week, but they don't want to run over the holidays.  Instead they will start after the holidays.

I was looking forward to having the kitchen done and ready to entertain my family who will be down for Christmas.  Now we have to get by for three weeks with a few pots and pans that hadn't been packed away yet.  Oh well, I guess this gives us a chance to go through all our crap and get rid of stuff.  I'd like to get all new dinnerware, stuff that is better for entertaining.  Our current stock is mostly chipped and impractical for large gatherings.   

On a Debbie Downer note, I think I ovulated (the pain around my ovaries is gone) and looking at the calendar that means my period will start right before or on Christmas.  Won't that be lovely?

Monday, December 9, 2013

In an instant

The office was almost empty when I got there Saturday morning.  I left Dave at home so he could sleep, though I began to regret that decision while sitting in the u/s room alone.  Dr. S came in and explained why he brought me in.  He had been ready for me to trigger Friday night for Sunday IUI, but there were some big discrepancies in my follicle sizes and he wanted to see what was actually going on in there.  I will say, that man is extremely gentle during an u/s.

In actuality there was a 14mm follicle on my left ovary and two follies on the right measuring 20mm and 18mm.   In light of this news he didn't want to waste the trigger and downgraded us to TI.  It felt like my heart dropped into my stomach.  This seemingly perfect cycle had transformed into a nearly hopeless one in a matter of minutes.  

We chatted for a bit about our future options.  Dr. S really wants to give Clomid one more try if this cycle fails.  My response has always been great, he called the response to my first cycle of 25mg perfect.  If that does not work then we will have to regroup and discuss our next step.  Then I went home, snuggled into bed with Dave, and cried for a bit.  Being the amazing husband that he is Dave comforted me, went out to pick up breakfast, and served me breakfast in bed.

On Sunday we had a small NJ Dreamer GTG.  During our manicures (can I just mention that there was a 6 month old baby at the salon, WTF universe?) a lovely Dreamer brought up Mini IVF as a possible good option for us.  It uses Clomid as the base medication with some injects instead of the traditional all injects IVF.  I will have to research more, but I feel like that would be a good place to start.  Dr. S has always been apprehensive about injects with my UU and I really can't deal with having my IUIs cancelled every cycle because I respond on the wrong ovary.

Friday, December 6, 2013


The RE office was apparently the hip place to be this morning.  The nurse had warned me it would be crazy so we got there around 7:15 for my 7:50 appointment.  The waiting room was packed and I noticed both u/s techs were calling people back.  I've never seen both working at the same time.  Taking blood was quick and easy today and I was called back for u/s soon after.

They only have one u/s room so another exam room was set up as overflow.  The tech, now known as Poker Face thanks to a fellow IDOBer, was apologetic as the room had no curtain to change behind.  At this point in my IF journey I completely lack shame or modesty so it didn't bother me.  Once up on the table she apologized for the other thing the room was missing, the lube warmer.  Things you never miss until they are gone, especially in a cold room....  The u/s was nowhere near as painful as yesterday and she finished up quickly.

The nurse called in the early afternoon with my results.  She said my estrogen was rising and my follicles were growing.  I expected instructions for trigger, but she blindsided me with an appointment for monitoring tomorrow morning.  Dr S wants to do an u/s himself.  In my confusion I forgot to ask about the follie measurements.

I'm a little nervous about tomorrow.  Why does Dr. S want to do the u/s himself?  Did the 14 and 13 on the right catch up?  Is he worried about multiples?  Ugh!  Is it tomorrow yet?

Thursday, December 5, 2013

That's more like it

This morning's appointment was rough.  My arm hadn't quite healed yet from Monday so the blood draw was very painful.  Luckily my veins were awake and the vial filled up quickly.  Since it is getting close to IUI time we had some enthusiastic fun to "clean out the pipes" last night.  Unfortunately that made the ultrasound very uncomfortable this morning.  The tech had problems finding my right ovary and had me pushing down on it while she probed.  I was shaking and just trying to breathe normally.  She got the measurements as fast as she could and it was over.

The nurse called later with my results.  The 10mm follicle from Monday has grown to 17mm and three more follies had popped up on my right measuring at 14, 13, and 11.  This explains all the activity I've felt around that ovary the past two days.  It also fits in with my usual response to Clomid, though I have half the follicles this time.  Considering the dominant follicle is on my left for once, there will be no complaining from me.

Dr. S is again happy with my E2 levels and wants to give the 17mm some more time to grow.  I go back in tomorrow morning for another round of monitoring.  The nurse said IUI could possibly be this weekend.  Of course I have plans for Sunday with some lovely IDOB ladies so hopefully it won't be scheduled during that time frame.  

I continue to be excited, scared, and hopeful.  

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Quite a difference

I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving/Hannukah!  We went up to Boston to spend Thanksgiving with my family this year.  We try to switch off between our families for Thanksgiving since it is the only holiday we have to share.  Due to crazy tech schedules when I still worked in theater we missed a few Boston turkey days.  Hopefully next year we will be hosting Thanksgiving as a family of three.

Monday morning was my first monitoring appointment.  I hadn't felt much going on in my ovaries over the holiday.  The really bad night sweats were the only side effect I noticed.  When the nurse called with my results it was quite shocking.  A single 10mm follicle on my left ovary.  It's amazing the difference it makes taking Clomid CD5-9.  Dr. S was apparently very happy with my E2 levels as well.

The plan right now is to go back in Thursday morning for more monitoring.  I have been feeling some activity around my right ovary.  The tech was having a lot of difficulty finding it during the ultrasound on Monday, maybe one or two follicles are trying to catch up.  Trigger and IUI could happen as early as this weekend.

I am ridiculously hopeful for this cycle.  With the timing working out so perfectly and the dominant follicle being on the left ovary, everything just feels perfect.  This scares me a lot.  If this cycle doesn't work out it will be really devastating.  If it doesn't work on the perfect cycle, why would it ever work?  I know I shouldn't think like that, but we've been hurt so many times before.  Though a BFP would really be a perfect end to this very crappy year.