Stand by

I am anxiously waiting for a call from Dr. S.  I picked up the CD of images from my HSG yesterday and it had a copy of the written results attached to it.  Once in the car I decided to take a peek, figuring I had a blocked tube at the worst.  It never ceases to amaze me how wrong I can be.

Unicornuate configuration of the uterus with a single, open, left fallopian tube.

In short, I have half a uterus and one tube.  It is a defect where one half of the uterus either doesn't form or only partially forms.  It occurs in about 1 in 4,000 women.  What does this mean for my fertility?  The risk for miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, and pre term labor are significantly higher.  I will also be labeled a high risk pregnancy and most likely end up with c-section if I get pregnant.  This is due to the fact that the baby tends to run out of room to move and is usually breech.  It is unlikely that I will carry past 36 weeks.

So here I sit, waiting for the phone to ring.  Millions of scenarios are running through my mind, a large percent of them do not end well.  

Never simple...

I started getting anxious yesterday since I had not heard back from Dr. S about my HSG results.  Right when I had decided to call my phone starts to ring.  Of course it was Dr. S's office.  My heart started to race as I answered the phone.  It was not Dr. S, it was one of the receptionists.  She said they had received the written results of my HSG, but Dr. S wanted the images.  I needed to drop the CD off to them at my earliest convenience.

When I voiced my confusion she said I should have received a CD of images right after the procedure.  Well, that was news to me.  I could have been spending the two weeks before my RE appointment obsessing over pictures of my dye filled uterus and tubes.  ::sigh::  I immediately called the radiologist and left a voice mail with the medical records department.  If I don't hear back before 10 am then I will call again just to be annoying.  Dave and I will most likely be driving down there during lunch to pick up the CD.  Luckily Dr. S's main office is about seven minutes away from the radiologist.  Update:  Talked to the medical records guy and the CD is ready to be picked up!  We'll be driving down to get it during lunch.

So I drank a few glasses of wine last night.  We had six friends over for our weekly Board Game/Bad Movies night and it was a blast.  We played Cards Against Humanity, which is the adult version of Apples to Apples, and watched Titanic 2 and Sand Shark.  Since our Game Nights are gaining in popularity we need to look into board games that can accommodate more than 6 players.

Other fun news is that my temperature shot up this morning.  It seems like I ovulated yesterday which would put my EDD at November 19th if we are successful this cycle.  That is one day off my original EDD, but I'll take it.  We had great timing and I am feeling hopeful.  

Waiting game

Still waiting to ovulate, currently sitting at CD 22.  Fun fact!  If I ovulate tomorrow and get pregnant my EDD would be November 20th.  Yep, I will have the same exact due date as last year.  When I mentioned this to Dave the other night he asked if I wanted to stop trying this cycle.  A few months ago I may have taken pause and considered the pros and cons of TTC vs. TTA in this situation.  After suffering a loss it is often said that you feel ready to try again when the want for a child outweighs the fear of miscarrying again.  Dave and I felt ready to try again very quickly, but that fear of another loss is always at the back of my mind.  Over the past few months, that fear is growing smaller and smaller.  Even more so now that we have moved on to fertility treatments.  Only two things will make me stop TTC, either doctor's orders or Dave wanting to avoid.

I would love to be a November mom, but if we have to wait a little longer for our beautiful rainbow so be it.

Answers and more questions

Our appointment with Dr. S started at 7:30 so we had some time to kill after work.  It wasn't reasonable to drive all the way home, frantically prepare a meal and eat in 45 minutes, then head out again fighting traffic each way.  Dave found a great card and gaming store about 20 minutes from work and 15 minutes from Dr. S's office.

**Warning: Nerd Alert**  Dave has recently gotten me into Magic: The Gathering.  We picked up a set of two core decks for 2013 a few weeks ago.  I'm usually not into card games, but did enjoy playing.  The store we stopped at yesterday had a great selection of Magic cards and used video games.  Like two kids in a candy store we went a little nuts.  Ended up buying two fat packs (set comes with 9 booster packs and a ton of land cards), one each of Return to Ravnica and Gatecrash.  We also bought a Game Boy Color and a few games.

There was a nice little Italian restaurant next door so we stopped in for dinner.  Some red sangria helped calm my growing nerves.  Dinner was great and we somehow resisted the urge to geek out and start opening our cards at the table.  After dessert and coffee it was time to head to the office.  This was our first time going to the main office of the RE and it was in the back corner of a terribly confusing and poorly lit office park.  We were the last appointment for the day so we went back right after signing in.

Dr. S jumped right into our results.  He said almost everything had come back fine, but there were a few anomalies of interest.  Both of our disease panels came back negative, not a big surprise.  Dave's semen analysis was amazing.

Total count: 121 million
Motility: 85% (>40% is normal)
Morphology: 8% (>3% is normal)
They also did a sperm wash, which isolates the sperm and is standard protocol for an IUI cycle.
Post wash total count: 101 million
Motility: 100%

Dr. S actually shook Dave's hand saying he only saw 100% motility post wash maybe 3 to 4 times a year.  We were both really excited at that point, neither of us imagined his numbers would be so high.

It was time for my results.  Most of my blood work came back fine, except for Prolactin.  Prolactin is secreted by the pituitary gland and elevated levels can cause irregularities in menstrual cycles and suppress ovulation.  Normal levels should be <25, my level was 34.  The other bad result was with my CD 3 ultrasound.  As you may recall, I had to repeat the ultrasound on CD 4 since my lining had been too thick.  Well the uterine lining should be around 3 to 4 mm thick on CD 3.  My lining was 12 mm and 11 mm on CD 3 and 4 respectively.  Dr. S had not yet received the results for my HSG and promised to track them and call me the next day to discuss them.

So, the plan is to retest Prolactin and do another ultrasound on my next CD 3 to see if the issues have resolved themselves.  If my Prolactin is still high then I will have a MRI of the pituitary gland to make sure everything is fine.  If my uterine lining is still too thick we'll do an endometrial biopsy mid cycle.  I made the mistake of googling that, no likey.  Any treatments for HSG related problems are TBD.

Once everything is within the normal ranges I will start Clomid the following cycle.  Now I'm just waiting to ovulate, hoping this cycle will magically work out.

Just breathe

Today is the day.  Less than nine hours from now we'll be sitting with Dr. S to go over our test results.

Sail away

Can we just skip to Thursday, that would be great.  We have our follow up appointment with Dr. S that evening and I am waffling between excitement and absolute dread.  The excitement is for being able to move forward.  We'll know most of the factors and possibly come up with a treatment plan.  The dread is the fear of bad news.  With how messed up my cycles have been over the past year I am expecting something to be off with my hormones.  I am also on edge for the results of the HSG.

To battle these conflicting emotions I have busied myself with a much more pleasant activity, researching cruises for our June vacation.  We've been discussing a potential summer getaway for a while now.  Our original thought had been an all inclusive in the Caribbean, but Dave has been really liking the idea of a cruise.  He has never been on one before and we have not heard great reviews from friends about all inclusives.  The only cruise I have been on is a Disney Cruise with my family about ten years ago.  It was so much fun and they do a great job of having lots of adult only areas.  I spent a good part of yesterday researching different cruise options and dates, but we are both leaning towards a 3 night Disney Cruise to the Bahamas with a potential short stay at Disney World afterwards.

If we were to get lucky and I ended up pregnant this cycle I would be, at the very most, 19 weeks along come vacation time.  The cut off for cruises for pregnant ladies is 24 weeks so I'd be in the clear.  So this cruise will turn out to be either a babymoon or a much needed break from our normal lives.  

Sweet dreams

My dreams are usually forgotten the moment I open my eyes.  Bits and pieces may linger, but will soon fade away no matter how hard I try to hold on.  So when I wake up and the dream remains firmly rooted in my memory, I can't help but wonder if it's a sign.  My dreams have come true in the past, though they are usually small, seemingly insignificant moments.  The feeling of deja vu washes over me and I have an almost out of body experience as the memory of the dream and real life seem to overlap and become one for a few moments.  It hasn't happened in a while, but I also have not remembered any dreams in a while.  That is, until yesterday.

I woke up nearly in tears.  For a few moments I didn't know if I was actually awake or still asleep.  Dave was fast asleep next to me and the cats were cuddled up by our legs.  Miria stirred, looked at me sleepily, stretched out, then curled back up to sleep.  Did I dare try to remember the dream I was just engrossed in?  Would it just slip away?  Would I lose the beautiful image that had brought tears to my eyes?  

The dream stayed, it planted strong roots and I can still easily recall every detail.  Dave and I were in the hospital, it was time to meet our baby.  Dream labor is awesome by the way, no pain at all.  After a few pushes our sweet baby entered the world.  They placed the small bundle in my arms and we got our first look at our beautiful baby girl.  She had a full head of wavy brown hair and the most stunning hazel green eyes, just like Dave's.  She was perfect, absolutely perfect.  Dave kissed my forehead and smiled, happy tears filled our eyes.  That's when consciousness pulled me away despite my struggle to stay and enjoy the bliss.

I choose to believe this dream symbolizes hope.  We will get our sweet rainbow baby someday.