Feeling like myself again

It's been a while since I last updated.  Things have been very busy and honestly, I felt like a completely different person on birth control.  I started the placebo pills on Sunday and by Monday I truly felt like myself again.  My libido is back and I'm no longer having crazy mood swings.

This past weekend we went up to Boston to visit my parents and attend a friend's wedding.  While up we also had breakfast with my best friends from high school on Sunday.  One friend is 8 months pregnant with her second child, her oldest is 4.  We went to check out their new home and oohed and ahhed over the baby's room, the large backyard, and the close proximity to great schools.  We left soon after to make the long trek home.

When we got home I laid down in bed and played on my iPad.  I wasn't feeling well and wanted to relax.  Two games of Life later Dave came in to check on me.  I broke down crying like an idiot.  When he asked what was wrong I sobbed that I couldn't even have children in a stupid board game.  Welcome to crazy town, population one.  We talked and I told him how angry I was at myself for being jealous of my friend.  She was living my dream, when would it be our turn?

After much discussing we decided to cancel our break plans.  If my lining is okay and the timing works out then we will cycle again right away.  Dave always hated me being upset after our cycles failed, he didn't understand that I was more angry about the negative reaction my body has had after every medicated cycle.  Yes I was upset about not getting pregnant, but even more so at the giant cysts and crazy lining issues that have benched us.  He doesn't quite get how rare and bizarre these reactions are.

So as long as my period starts no earlier than late Wednesday, my lining looks okay, and Dr. S lets us do Clomid CD5-9 then we should be good to go.  The need for this exact timing is due to us traveling back up to Massachusetts for Thanksgiving.  We'd be gone during prime monitoring time if I did Clomid the usual CD3-7.  With the CD5-9 track my first monitoring appointment would fall just after Thanksgiving weekend if CD1 is anytime after Wednesday.  It doesn't feel as though my period will be showing up anytime soon so hopefully it holds out for another day.