Project Butterfly: The Anxiety

I hate being on Lupron.  Tonight will be the eighth injection and I have turned into an irritable zombie.  Work has been stressful and the changing of desks has me facing the customer service reps, the loudest bitches in the world.  Is it really necessary to yell into the phone or loudly whine about your petty problems all day?  I don't think so, please shut the hell up.  While some people go outside for smoke breaks, I may start going outside for sanity breaks.  After dinner tonight I'll be indulging in a hot bubble bath and small glass of wine.

Today is day three of period watch.  It definitely feels like CD1 is on the way, but I really don't see it arriving before Saturday.  Anxiety is starting to creep into my mind, mostly about my lining.  During our FET class Nurse V looked through my charts and the thinnest my lining has ever been was 7mm.  Normal people usually have 1-3mm lining on Day 3.  From what I've heard from others doing FET, 7mm is usually the point where they switch you to PIO and schedule transfer.  What is my clinic going to do if I start out at 7mm this cycle?  Only do one or two shots of Delestrogen?

Dave keeps telling me to stop obsessing over details we have no control over.  He's right, but it's so hard not to think about it.  This whole cycle will be about getting my body in the perfect condition to host our little butterfly for 9 months.  I've already been bad and figured out the potential due date, looked at the calendar to see how far along I'd be for all of our planned trips and events, and thought about the announcement.  I feel so guilty about it, like I've now jinxed the cycle.  FU IF!!