Level 1 cleared

Just after lunch I got the call from the nurse with my results.  I was so nervous, trying to ready myself for bad news.  When she said I could start the Clomid that night I almost cried.  She said that Dr. S wanted me to start taking a baby aspirin everyday as well.  My follow up ultrasound and blood work is scheduled for next Wednesday morning.  I'm happy they are doing it on CD9 in case I respond quickly again.  A short while later I got the call from Mandell's pharmacy to set up my customer profile.  They would have to run everything through insurance first, but I can hopefully pick up my Ovidrel (trigger shot) tomorrow.

I felt a little silly cutting the Clomid pill in half last night.  It's such a small pill already.  At least it was very easy to swallow with a big gulp of water.  No disgusting taste was left behind either.  The baby aspirin are orange chewables and are actually quite tasty.  No side effects so far, hoping I can get away symptom free this time.

One thing I am most excited about is being able to go back the gym.  I gained a few pounds during my exercise restrictions last month and I'm sick of my pants being tight.  My new goal is to not have to buy any new clothes until I'm in need of maternity sizes.    

Make or break

Surprisingly my period started on it's own Tuesday evening.  It's the usual wonky post-anovulatory cycle bleeding and has pretty much disappeared by this morning.  I got the 6:40 slot this morning so Dave and I were out the door very early.  Of course the office was locked up when we got there at 6:30, when they are supposed to open, but the nurse let us in around 6:35.  

The ultrasound was fairly quick.  The tech had no problem finding my right ovary this time.  The techs don't give results, but she wished me luck as I was leaving.  I'm hoping that is a good sign.  Having blood taken was its usual adventure.  Luckily the nurse is very familiar with my troll veins at this point and was able to get enough.  I won't know the results until this afternoon.  Should everything come back okay I'll start my meds tonight.

For this cycle I'll be taking 25mg Clomid for five days.  Dr. S wants to give this a try first since I responded so well follicle wise to the 50mg.  Should I have problems with cysts again then we will be moving on, most likely to injects.  This will also be our first IUI cycle which I'm very excited for.  To time the IUI correctly I will take a trigger shot when my follicle(s) is/are ready to go.  

If this cycle gets cancelled I will be a wreck.  Getting pregnant before November seems like such a long shot already.  If we were to be cancelled again it becomes pretty much impossible.  Of course my hopeful side is trying to be encouraging.  My birthday is in about three weeks, possibly near the end of a two week wait if I respond quickly again.  That's what I want for my birthday universe, to find out I'm pregnant with our rainbow baby.  Please make it happen.  Pretty please?  With sugar on top?    

Coming storm

I find myself starting to crack.  When it became obvious that we were benched for the cycle, with the added insult of pelvic rest, I decided to make the best of it and throw myself into other activities.  Perhaps it was the high of finally being able to do treatments and having the great follicle response to Clomid that gave me confidence.  This benched cycle would be nothing, just a small bump in the road to our rainbow.  It's now CD24 and the downhill portion of the IF roller coaster has started.  The doubts and fears are creeping in again.  What if 2013 isn't our year?

Some important dates are coming up and I'm scared to face them.  October 15th, the day before my birthday, is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance day.  Last year it was too painful to do anything on that day.  I should have been 36 weeks pregnant and we were still in the closet about the miscarriage.  Still, I lit a candle in remembrance of our little bean and hoped our rainbow would be coming soon.  Then there is November 20th, my original due date.  This year our baby would have turned one.  It's hard to wrap my mind around the concept that in a different reality I would be planning a first birthday party instead of dreading hitting the two year mark since we started TTC with a still empty uterus.

I can't make time stand still or put off these painful days.  The world is moving forward at its usual pace and I need to move along with it.  Instead of laying down and succumbing to sadness it's time to stand up and face the day.  There will be sad times, times it feels like this was all for nothing, but as one of my favorite motivational quotes goes:

"Just because today is a terrible day doesn't mean tomorrow won't be the best day of your life.  You just have to get there."

Just keep swimming

Sorry I've been MIA for a bit.  Being benched this cycle really brought my spirits down.  I hate being on activity restrictions and have definitely done quite a bit of moping.

Last we left off I had been told by Dr. S that my ovaries were enormous and we needed to have a discussion on how to move forward.  Two ultrasounds later my left ovary is back to normal.  Righty is still enlarged, but only about 3 times the size it should be.  I am on pelvic rest for the remainder of this cycle and still need to be careful with strenuous activity.  My next ultrasound will be next CD3.

The plan for next cycle, as long as my ovaries are okay, is to do 25mg Clomid with trigger and IUI.  Follicle-wise I responded beautifully to Clomid.  Dr. S believes that the Clomid just stays in my system for a longer time than normal which caused the cysts.  Hopefully going down to the half dose will correct that problem.  Due to my UU he's not ready to move onto injects yet, being very concerned about the risk of multiples.  He doesn't usually use Femara, but will keep it on the table should the Clomid fail.

So for now we are just waiting for my period to show up.  If my body decides to ovulate on its own this cycle then that should be happening any day now.  If not I will call on CD30 for Provera.

Being able to do more activity now, I've been motivated to get stuff done around the house. Since I can't obsess about TTC for a couple weeks, might as well put that crazy to good use.  This past weekend Dave and I scrubbed the floors in the guest bathroom, swept and cleaned the hardwood floors, got all the laundry into appropriate bins, vacuumed the area rugs, and hung the new wine rack/glass holder over the bar.

My project for next weekend is to fix up the front foyer.  My hope is to replace the old shelf unit, clean the tile, and maybe even paint.  I went to Lowes on Saturday to pick up some supplies (drywall anchors and a level) and spent a good twenty minutes in the paint swatch section.  Came home with about 30 swatches and picked out a new color scheme.  Our walls are a bright teal color at the moment, but I feel it's time to dull it down a bit.

Our foyer

 The only rooms we have painted since we moved in are the foyer, hallways, living room, dining room, and our bedroom.  All of the above are the same bright teal color except for our bedroom, that is a dark teal.  Our home has a somewhat open floor plan so it flows nicely to have all one color on those walls.    Since we'll be redoing the kitchen at some point this fall I'm taking it as initiative to fine tune our home color palette.  Below are the swatches that we've decided on for the moment.  The living/dining room color would extend to the front hallway.  We will not be repainting the master bedroom, but I included a close match to the color for reference.

The main color probably won't happen for a while or will happen a wall or two at a time.  The foyer will be very easy and the kitchen will be done during renovation.  The guest bathroom will be quick and I want to replace the old medicine and wall cabinets as well.  We're considering renovating the master bath as well so I'll hold off on painting that for now.

I'm very excited to have some new projects ready to go.  Keeping my mind occupied with tasks like this are helping me keep my sanity while on the bench.  Wine helps too.