Thursday, July 25, 2013

False hope, yet again

Want to see a really ugly chart with lying liar cross hairs?

Pretty awful right?  My temperature has been fluctuating like crazy, making me wonder if I have a new habit of mouth breathing at night.  I had been so excited at the possibility of a Provera reset leading to ovulation, but now I am just sad and disappointed.  

We are going away for extended weekend trips the first two weeks of August.  If my period were to start in a certain two to three day window we will not be able to do Clomid this cycle.  Honestly I see this ending after a round of Provera, hopefully putting CD 1 on or after August 12th.  

Looking at my work calendar today as I was setting up a timeline for our next project it struck me how much of the year is gone.  With a sense of dread in my stomach I realized how close November is.  Four months.  Our angel baby should be turning 1 year old this November.  I thought I would get pregnant again quickly, that I wouldn't have to deal with the EDD while still trying to conceive.  Instead we've gone through the EDD, anniversary of the BFP and loss, and now possibly the anniversary of the EDD.  

I try not to get jealous or resentful, other people deserve happiness and there are certainly people who are going through far worse than us.  I just want our rainbow baby.

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