Once more down the rabbit hole

We had our follow up yesterday and it went a lot better than I expected.  Dr. S was his usual positive self and gave us a lot of hope.  He started off by showing images of my halfling uterus from the HSG and MRI.  With my one tube being clear Dr. S feels that having a UU will not impact my ability to get pregnant.  The risks are more on the side of staying pregnant, specifically the risks of miscarriage and preterm labor.  Dr. S had put a call in for the MRI radiologist to get clarification on the small rudimentary horn they found.  As long as it is not communicating there will be no need to remove it. 

The prolactin draw last week showed my levels had climbed from 34 to 54.  Dr. S surmises that it is the cause of my irregular cycles.  Tonight I start on Parlodel to try and get my levels down.  In five weeks I'll get blood work done to see if it's working.  The most fun news was that I have to go back for another MRI, this time for my pituitary gland.  They need to make sure there aren't any tumors, which could be causing the elevated levels of prolactin.  Fun fact, the pituitary gland sits right above where the optic nerves cross.  If the tumors grow too large it can actually damage the nerves and cause blindness.

For the time being Dr. S wants us to try on our own.  He feels we could have success once my prolactin regulates.  If the MRI finds something or the repeat blood work shows the Parlodel isn't working we'll discuss other options.  If everything comes back normal and my cycles still do not regulate in two months we'll start discussing Clomid.  Dr. S wants to avoid using any fertility drugs if possible due to the heightened risk of multiples.  At that point we will also revisit my possible lining issues and do the biopsy if needed.

I am very tired.  With this month being the one year mark of my BFP and subsequent loss, confirmation of my UU, and things getting crazier at work I am feeling really defeated.  After losing our poppy seed I was confident I'd be pregnant with our rainbow before the EDD or at the very least before hitting the anniversary of the loss.  Now here we are and I am honestly scared.  What if it's all for nothing?  What if I never have a successful pregnancy?  I want to believe our rainbow is out there.  I want to believe that I'll get to tell my UU success story someday soon.