Of course

Went in for my u/s this morning.  My favorite tech was there and took me back right away.  It's amazing how much has changed since my first u/s nearly six months ago.  I was so nervous and it ended up being incredibly painful.  Now I just lay back and it's only uncomfortable when they dig around to find my elusive right ovary.  The tech finished up quickly and looked at me sadly.  My lining was holding strong at 13mm.  I was grateful she told me right away, it actually caught me a little off guard.

Originally Dr. S had said that if my lining was still too thick then we would go the D&C route.  Well I got a voice mail from the nurse during lunch.  I am to call on Sunday morning and leave a message about the state of my bleeding.  If it is gone or is just light spotting then we will do the endometrial biopsy on Monday.  Considering my spotting is almost gone today, we might have a chance to pull this off.

Things have hit a real low for my mental well being lately.  It feels like more and more negativity is just piling on top of me.  Dave brought it up during lunch, he can always tell when I'm upset.  Honestly I just need some good news or to have something go our way.  I am sick and tired of broken appliances, broken cars, and my broken reproductive system.  Oh well, at least tonight is my last night of Provera.  That shit makes me absolutely insane.

Friday

That is the day we either move forward with treatment or schedule a D&C.  

I love our RE office so much.  Their main office is about 30 minutes from home and another 30 minutes from our office.  We usually go to their satellite office during the week since it is about 5 minutes away from our work.  When I talked to the nurse earlier about the Friday ultrasound she booked us for 6:45 AM at the main office.  Not a big deal, we would just have to leave extra early.  Well not ten minutes later she calls back saying that they could accommodate us at the satellite location right at 8 AM if that would be easier for us.  

The nurses and receptionists are so wonderful.  They really make you feel like an individual, not just another name on a file.  I feel that we are very lucky do have such a wonderful RE, with a caring staff, that is so close to our home and work.  It has really made these past 6 months of testing, setbacks, and shocking news bearable.

Ready for that good news

Well looks like we will be buying a new washer dryer.  The machine in our condo is a laundry center, washer on bottom and dryer on top stuffed into a small utilities closet, and it's about ten years old.  Apparently the sealant for the dryer hose had disintegrated so lint was being funneled into the circuitry.  Lint plus circuitry equals fire.  Yes, there had been a small lint fire inside the machine which melted all of the wiring and circuit boards.  While extremely thankful that the fire was small and contained, I can't help but feel that the universe is just taking great pleasure in beating me down.

  

We'll be waiting for the 4th of July sales to buy a new laundry center since they run about $1200.  The Sears repair tech gave us a $100 off coupon so that will help as well.  

Started Provera Take 2: Electric Boogaloo on Saturday night.  I will be happy if this is the last time I have to take them.  They make me incredibly nauseous, tired, and irritable.  I have been researching D&Cs and feel a little bit better about the procedure.  I don't want to be put under completely, that really freaks me out.  Twilight sleep seems like a much better option.  No need for a breathing tube and a faster recovery time as well.  If we do end up going this route it'll most likely be scheduled for when we get back from St. Lucia.  I really really don't want to spend our anniversary vacation abstaining.  Selfish I know, but that may put us on a better timeline to possibly start Clomid in mid August.    

Faked out

Woke up this morning to very light brown spotting.  Go to the bathroom a few hours later and have a moderate reddish brown flow.

I called the office and talked to the nurse since it's been a week since I finished Provera.  She called me back with Dr. S's orders.  Seven more days of Provera.  On the last day I will go in for an ultrasound in the morning to check my lining.  If it's thinned out, awesome.  If it's still thick I will have to go in for a D&C.  So now it's back to the waiting game.

3 weeks

This is where Dave and I will be in 3 weeks.  Laying on lounge chairs, scotch/fruity cocktail in hand, and reading books under the beautiful St. Lucia skies.  I am beyond excited for this vacation.    

It is CD 38 and the bleeding saga continues.  Today it has been going back and forth between a moderate brown and dark red flow.  If it's still happening tomorrow or changes to more red I will call Dr. S.  I have no idea where we can go from here.  At this point I just don't want to be bleeding during our vacation.  If that means a month or two of BCPs, then so be it.  Maybe that would shrink my lining a bit.

In better news, the dryer should be getting fixed on Saturday morning.  I can't wait to be able to do laundry again.  We gave away our old entertainment unit to our friends J&K.  It has been sitting in the second bedroom just taking up space.  Now we can start reclaiming that room!  Just need to move some stuff into our attic space, preferably on a day that isn't too hot.  Hopefully we can get some stuff done this weekend!

New look

I was getting pretty tired of my blog template and found the great Cutest Blog on the Block site via a fellow Bumpie Sueann.  It's filled with awesome backgrounds and banners to customize your blog.  I'm not really sure what direction I am heading in with the design of this blog.  I always imagined this blog being about a very nerdy pregnancy and subsequent nerdy parenting.  As of right now it is a virtual diary to vent my frustrations about IF and TTCAL.  I've had plenty of ideas of weekly posts about board games, fashion, video games, etc. though do not have the motivation to start them up.      

I really thought we would be at a different place in our lives by now.  Our sweet bean would be around 7 months old right now.  I never imagined we would be here, stuck in a holding pattern for over a month and held hostage by the whims of my little uterus.  The spotting has turned into a dark reddish brown flow though, I imagine my period will start any day now.      

It's been a very hard few weeks and our vacation cannot come soon enough.  A few days of doing nothing except laying by the pool and drinking fruity cocktails is just what my body and soul need right now.  I think I also need to reset some priorities and not let TTC take over my life so much.  Just need to find a new project to throw myself into.  Perhaps doing a weekly fashion post would be a good start.

Also, I tried to make the text as readable as possible.  Please let me know if you have trouble reading anything.  If need be I will add a semi transparent background.    

Still spotting

This is never going to end.  I feel completely helpless.  Took the last Provera pill on Friday night and had a very light spotting day on Saturday.  Come Sunday and today, back to heavy brown spotting with tinges of pink.  I've also been experiencing very sharp cramping from both ovaries.  Perhaps my period will be starting soon?  Or perhaps my right ovary is trying to burst out of my abdomen, that's pretty much what it feels like right now.  Wouldn't that be lovely.

I hate feeling like this.  I just want a little progress, to feel like something is going our way.  Instead I have a malfunctioning uterus, a busted dryer, and busted A/C in my car with a bonus slow leaking tire.  That's just how I wanted to spend our extra money, no need to throw it into our kitchen remodeling fund like originally planned.  We already had to replace Dave's car windshield last week.

When is it our turn for good news?