Working for the weekend

I will take an hour long pelvic and abdominal MRI over a 30 minute brain MRI any day of the week.  I went in pretty relaxed and was excited when the tech mentioned it would take half an hour.  She set up the table and this time I would be going in head first.  I laid down, situating my head in a plastic cradle.  The tech gave me the panic button and a blanket, the room was freezing.  When the table was raised up to the machine she moved a plastic cage down to encompass my head.  There was a small mirror above my eyes that allowed me to see down towards my feet.  I could see the techs through the observation window as well.

It was similar to this image, minus the eye gear and wires.

No big cushy headphones playing jazz to drown out the excessive noise this time.  Instead there were squishy earplugs, small headphone pads, and another set of pads that slid into the cage to hold the headphones in place.  This time I got a random pop music station.  The music selection did not really matter, it was impossible to hear anything once the machine got going.  They did the first round of scans, then brought me out to inject the contrast.  Then it was back into the tube for the second round of scans.  It felt so much longer than my other MRI.  Somehow I was able to stay still and not freak out.  Dave said I looked incredibly pale when coming out to the waiting room.  I had a massive headache and generally felt like crap.  We headed home to relax a bit.  

After some coffee, excedrin, and showers we headed up north.  We had lunch with Dave's parents at a great little Irish pub.  Nothing like some Shepard's Pie to warm you up on a chilly day.  It was a nice lunch and my headache had died down by the end of the meal.

Now it was time for the main event of the day.  Our friends J and C recently purchased their first home so we were heading over for a housewarming party.  For their gift I put together a cute basket with an OXO pop top cookie jar filled with chocolate chip cookies and Reese's PB cup brownie bites, a set of funky glasses, and a few dish towels.  

It was an awesome party!  Their house is a cute split level on a nice quiet street.  They also adopted a puppy, an adorable little retriever terrier mix named Daisy.  She was a total sweetheart and Dave wanted to steal her.  We drank beer, caught up with everyone, played horse shoes, and enjoyed a nice bonfire as the sun set.  

Being there reaffirmed what a great choice it was to leave my theater job.  I would have been stuck doing a two show day had I declined that job offer.  While it was fun at the time, that career path would have left me a miserable person.  Our lifestyle and hopes for our future family are so much brighter now.  I'm glad to have had that experience and made some amazing friends, but it would have made life with children with very difficult. 

We got home really late thanks to construction on the Parkway.  Nothing like bringing a five lane highway down to one lane.  We slept in late and had a nice lazy Sunday at home.  Our friend J came over for some wine and board games.  All in all it was a perfect weekend, minus the MRI of course.

Hello limbo, we meet again

Got a call from the RE nurse on Thursday afternoon.  She had my MRI authorization number and an order for blood work.  Apparently the MRI place needed this blood work completed before I came in.  So we woke up early Saturday morning to pop over to the office for a quick draw.

Dr. S was just finishing up with another couple while I was signing in.  While showing them out he called Dave and I back for a quick chat.  The radiologist had finally gotten back to him on Friday.  She had not even noticed the rudimentary horn during the scan.  This answer did not please Dr. S so he put a call in to the MRI doctor and was waiting to hear back.

The big concern with a rudimentary horn is the possibility that it is still communicating with the body.  Researchers believe this could be the reason for the high rate of miscarriage with UUs.  The horn will keep sending signals that pregnancy did not occur, even if an embryo had implanted in the main part of the uterus.  My rudimentary horn is small and non-cavitary, Dr. S feels it is just an artifact and should cause no problems.  He is still incredibly thorough and wants confirmation from the MRI doctor.

If no straight answer can be found then it's time for more tests.  He started describing a procedure similar to the HSG, but the balloon is placed in the cervix instead of the uterus.  Honestly at that point my mind went to it's happy place and my ears stopped working.  I had not had any coffee by that point and couldn't handle it. The final step, should that horror of a test show anything or also come back inconclusive, would be surgery to remove the horn.  At this point, I would rather just get the surgery.  I'd rather have peace of mind knowing it's gone than continue to worry over inconclusive tests.

Is that selfish and a cop out?  Most likely.  Do I care?  Not really.  Maybe it's the Parlodel making me feel like crap or that I feel like I'm running on fumes at the moment, but I just need something to go my way.  April is going to be a very long month.  

Once more down the rabbit hole

We had our follow up yesterday and it went a lot better than I expected.  Dr. S was his usual positive self and gave us a lot of hope.  He started off by showing images of my halfling uterus from the HSG and MRI.  With my one tube being clear Dr. S feels that having a UU will not impact my ability to get pregnant.  The risks are more on the side of staying pregnant, specifically the risks of miscarriage and preterm labor.  Dr. S had put a call in for the MRI radiologist to get clarification on the small rudimentary horn they found.  As long as it is not communicating there will be no need to remove it. 

The prolactin draw last week showed my levels had climbed from 34 to 54.  Dr. S surmises that it is the cause of my irregular cycles.  Tonight I start on Parlodel to try and get my levels down.  In five weeks I'll get blood work done to see if it's working.  The most fun news was that I have to go back for another MRI, this time for my pituitary gland.  They need to make sure there aren't any tumors, which could be causing the elevated levels of prolactin.  Fun fact, the pituitary gland sits right above where the optic nerves cross.  If the tumors grow too large it can actually damage the nerves and cause blindness.

For the time being Dr. S wants us to try on our own.  He feels we could have success once my prolactin regulates.  If the MRI finds something or the repeat blood work shows the Parlodel isn't working we'll discuss other options.  If everything comes back normal and my cycles still do not regulate in two months we'll start discussing Clomid.  Dr. S wants to avoid using any fertility drugs if possible due to the heightened risk of multiples.  At that point we will also revisit my possible lining issues and do the biopsy if needed.

I am very tired.  With this month being the one year mark of my BFP and subsequent loss, confirmation of my UU, and things getting crazier at work I am feeling really defeated.  After losing our poppy seed I was confident I'd be pregnant with our rainbow before the EDD or at the very least before hitting the anniversary of the loss.  Now here we are and I am honestly scared.  What if it's all for nothing?  What if I never have a successful pregnancy?  I want to believe our rainbow is out there.  I want to believe that I'll get to tell my UU success story someday soon.  

     

Keep it together Wolf

With only two hours left in the day and our big appointment tomorrow morning my attention span has plummeted.  My eyes instantly glaze over as I try to concentrate on my spreadsheets.  I have been good about staying away from Dr. Google though.  Just trying to make it to five o'clock and be somewhat productive.

 

Yesterday night was our weekly board game and bad movie night so that kept me very distracted.  We are usually a group of five that comprises of our friends P, C, A, Dave, and myself.  A was sick last night so our group was down to four, a perfect number for gaming.  We started off with a game of Gloom.

It's a wonderfully morbid card game that involves making your family of five very sad, then killing them.  The cards are hilarious and you are encouraged to get into the storytelling aspect of the game.  There are modifying cards that will make characters happy again and can be used to trip up your fellow players.  Dave ended up winning by a landslide.

The other game was Penny Arcade The Game: Rumble in R'lyeh.

It is a deck building card game based around the crazy world of Penny Arcade.  Everyone starts with a set amount of currency based on their character card.  With that you need to build your deck and gain the most victory points to win.  It is in the same vein as games like Dominion.  A must have for any Penny Arcade fans!

Our background movies were quite horrible.  First up was Blubberella, a wacky movie by Uwe Boll about a large half vampire heroine and her search for love and her love of killing Nazis.  It's absolutely horrible and ridiculous, but gave everyone a good laugh.  The second movie was Poolboy: Drowning out the Fury starring Kevin Sorbo and Danny Trejo.  Walked through by the director, this movie that was deemed too terrible to be released is riddled with interviews with the actors and weird frame rates.  The premise of the story is Kevin Sorbo as a Vietnam Vet whose friend is killed right before the war ends.  Sorbo takes up his friend's dream of owning a pool cleaning business and proceeds to have a turf war with the Mexicans in his home town.  This was possibly more ridiculous than Blubberella, but the strange frame rates did hurt the eyes after a while.

CD 2

The heavy bleeding started yesterday signaling the end of cycle #17.  It was my longest cycle to date at 47 days.  I am relieved it is over and had thought the timing of CD 1 was perfect.  We have our follow up with Dr. S on Wednesday so he would have the results of CD 3 (Tuesday) testing for our appointment.  I called the office to report the start of my period, left a message, and promptly missed the call back from the nurse about 30 minutes later.  Her message stated that she would talk to Dr. S about the plan of action and call me back tomorrow.

By 3:30 today I was losing my mind.  Why hadn't they called back?  I finally broke down and called.  Luckily I got my favorite receptionist, Joy, and she quickly hunted down the nurse.  The nurse was on the line with another patient, but Joy got all of the information.  Dr. S. would possibly do the ultrasound and blood work during our appointment on Wednesday.

Now I am really anxious for our meeting and what will be discussed.  Why wouldn't he want to check my lining or Prolactin level before Wednesday?  

Another dream

I had another vivid dream last night about having a baby.  It was a little more disjointed than my previous dream.  In the beginning I was visiting with random people and walking around.  Suddenly I was with Dave in a hospital room recovering from a c-section.  He was holding our newborn daughter, looking very much the proud new dad.  I got up, realizing we had nothing purchased for the baby.  I told Dave that I would be back soon, I needed to buy a Rock and Play for her to sleep in.  She also needed some clothes, a Pack and Play, a crib, and cloth diapers.  Weird, I know.  The dream sort of fell apart after that and I woke up.

The biggest thing that stuck with me after the dream was our daughter's name.  Now, I am a huge planner and have a Google Doc filled with baby names.  It includes the meanings and a few first name and middle name combinations.  It is mostly a mix of Irish and Hebrew names to honor both of our cultures.  We don't want to use any family names, but there is one tradition I feel we could honor.  There is a family name that has been passed down on Dave's side.  I won't write the whole name, just the initials.  His father is I. D. III and Dave was nearly the IVth.  Dave's mom put her foot down on that one, saying she would sooner name him Bozo the Clown.  Dave's dad goes by a completely different nickname, but Dave's grandfather was called I. D.  I never got to meet I.D., but the stories I've heard paint the picture of a loving and devoted father.

Now, I have been trying to think of ways to honor this family tradition.  There is no way I am naming a son I. D. IV, but the names on the list for a daughter bring up an interesting possibility.  In the dream our newborn daughter's name was Isla Danielle.  It not only honors the tradition, but also honors Dave.  For now I'm really loving the name and it fit that beautiful baby girl so well.  We'll just have to wait and see, a lot of things can change from now until the time I actually get pregnant.  My favorite names for boys have hit a steady plateau, but names for girls are constantly changing.

Wanted: Time Machine

Preferably in the form of a Delorean or Tardis, thanks.

The nurse called back yesterday afternoon with the results of my blood work.  My levels from the blood draw on 3/8 showed very high estrogen and low progesterone.  They had told me that I was gearing up to ovulate.  My levels from yesterday's draw showed very high progesterone confirming that I did ovulate at some point after 3/8.  I was lackluster with the temping, but the past three days have shown a steady drop signaling that my period should be starting soon.

She bounced me over to the receptionist since Dr. S was ready to talk to about my MRI results.  Of course the next free appointment was next Wednesday morning.  ::sigh::  Hopefully by that point I'll have had a CD 3 and we can talk about those results in person as well.

So another week of waiting and worrying.  This pretty much sums up how I would prefer to spend the week.