Prelim results

While driving home on Friday, a little bummed about not hearing back from Dr. S, I notice my phone light up.  Sure enough, missed call from the office of Dr. S.  I swear they have special software that allows them to silence my phone and go straight to voice mail.  Dave listened to the message and cue the deja vu.  Dr. S had received the written results of my MRI, but needed the images.  Awesome.  Luckily the radiology place was open late so we stopped by on the way home to grab a CD.  Before leaving for dinner I couldn't resist looking.

 

From what I could gather from the written results and the help of Dr. Google with some medical terminology, my uterus is indeed a magical unicorn.  There is a small non-cavitary rudimentary horn, not sure if Dr. S will want it removed.  My right ovary showed an 18mm cyst and recent temps confirm that I did in fact ovulate sometime last week.  They also found multiple small follicles on both ovaries.  My lining was 15mm thick and in a bit of medical jargon I could not understand "the uterine myometrium appears heterogenous with no focal point" or something like that.  The big kicker was confirmation that I am missing my right kidney.

It looks like my dreams of playing pro football have been forever dashed.  All kidding aside, this does explain my "baby bladder" as Dave puts it.  I'm not sure if there are any lifestlye changes that will have to happen.  My blood pressure has always been in the normal range, never had a UTI, don't play any contact sports, and have always been generally healthy.

I had blood work taken this morning so I dropped off the CD afterwards.  The blood work sucked, the nurse had to dig around to catch the vein.  My arm is still very sore.  Hopefully Dr. S will have to time to look at the images today, I could use some good news.  Today marks the one year anniversary of my miscarriage.  I had to go to work that day and run two shows, spending the time in between shows holed up in the booth crying as I called my mom.  It was one of the worst days of my life.  Getting some good news today would be nice.

3/15/2012

I woke up that morning expecting the start of my period.  Instead I got another high temperature that made my 16 DPO chart look beautiful.  Unable to resist I tore open the box of FRERs that had been taunting me for the past few days.  Three minutes later I couldn't believe my eyes.  A faint second line had appeared.  Our timing had been terrible due to illness, we were leaving for Japan in a week, I had been sure we were out that cycle.  A second FRER showed the same faint second line.

I immediately ran out to get a CBE digital and more FRERs.  When the digital popped up "Not Pregnant" my heart fell.  A small voice in the back of my head was spewing negativity.  I brushed it off, the line was faint so there probably wasn't enough HCG to turn the less sensitive digital test.

Luckily I didn't have to be at work until 6:30 that night so there was the possibility of seeing Dave before I had to leave.  With our schedules back then Dave was usually getting home right after I had left for work.  We would often pass one another going in opposite directions.  Since the show was in previews I probably would not get home until close to midnight, Dave would have most likely been fast asleep on the couch by then.  I dropped hints all day through our IMs that he should hurry home that day.

It was time to get together his surprise.  I had purchased a onesie from ThinkGeek when we first started trying.  It was pale yellow with this image on it:

I ran out to Target to grab a gift bag and a card.  I found a very sweet card with little ducks on it.  At home I wrote on the card how happy I was to be pregnant with his child and how exciting it was to be starting our family.  I wrapped up the FRERs and placed them in the gift bag as well.

Dave walked through the door at 5:30.  He was a bit worried, wondering if something was wrong.  I ran up and pretty much shoved the gift bag into his hands.  Thoroughly confused he opened the card.  I'll never forget the smile on his face as he read the card.  I didn't want to go to work, I wanted to stay in our perfect moment.

3/15/2012 was one of the happiest days of my life.  We were ready to start a new chapter in our lives with so many hopes and dreams for the future.  In that perfect future our baby would be turning 4 months old next week.  Instead I am compulsively checking my phone, anxiously awaiting the results of my MRI and watching our hope for a 2013 baby quickly fade away.  That little gift bag with the card and onesie are hidden away in a closet somewhere, a reminder of what should have been.

Danger Will Robinson

Had my MRI done yesterday and it wasn't terrible.  We got there a few minutes early so I could fill out paperwork and was called back very quickly.  The tech, Laura, was incredible.  I made sure not to wear any metal (no jewelry, wore a sports bra, etc) so she took me back right away.  The MRI machine is scary as hell.  

She went over the procedure as I laid down on the table.  It would take about a hour to get all of the pictures with and without contrast.  I would get headphones to try and block out the noise of the machine and could pick any station to listen to.  My choice of jazz surprised her a bit, guess it's not one of the usual requests.  They would be taking images of my pelvic and abdominal regions to check out the uterus and kidneys.  

We then chatted a bit about infertility and made a few quips about fertile myrtles.  The upbeat atmosphere helped keep the anxiety down.  She got the I.V. for the contrast dye set up and it was almost painless.  I was then strapped down to the table.  They placed what looked like a piece of a rescue stretcher over my abdomen and strapped that down as well.  With that piece in place the machine could actually gauge my breathing and I could see it on the front LED monitor.  She gave me a plastic bulb to hold, if I needed to get her attention all I had to do was squeeze it. 

It looked a bit like this, but I got to stay in my street clothes

The table was then raised and slowly moved into the tube.  I'm not terribly claustrophobic, but being in the tube was very disconcerting.  It's dimly lit, makes very loud noises, you can barely shift your limbs, and the "ceiling" of the tube is less than 12" from your face.  I felt like I was in a sci fi movie, strapped into a tiny escape pod as the emergency evacuation alarms blared.  

The scans started and I tried to let my mind wander to distract from the deafening beeps.  Laura told me to breathe normally through most of the scans, but there were a few I had to hold my breath through.  After what seemed like hours it was time to insert the contrast dye.  The injection site felt like they were pushing ice water into my veins.  I could feel it travel up my arm and my hand simultaneously went numb.  Both feelings disappeared after a few seconds and the scans continued.

Finally the table slid out of the tube and I was done.  The I.V. was removed, they undid all the confining straps, and I was free to go.  I was instructed to drink lots of water throughout the day to flush the dye out.  Dave was sitting in the waiting room and commented on how pale I looked as we were leaving.  It wasn't an overly awful experience, just physically and mentally draining.

Dr. S should be getting the results sometime today so hopefully I'll hear from him before the weekend.  I am also crossing my fingers that my next Prolactin draw comes back normal, I'd rather not go back for another MRI.    

Thank you Groupon

You have given us something to look forward to when the hell that is Go Live is finally over.

I had heard of Groupon before, but never utilized it.  When Dave's friend sent him a Groupon deal for an all inclusive in Dominican Republic it seemed too good to pass up.  Well due to lack of communication the deal expired before a final decision could be made.  Completely bummed I decided to keep an eye on new deals to see if another all inclusive came up.  A few days later it appeared.  Four nights plus two free massages at a small all inclusive in St Lucia.

I annoyingly poked and prodded Dave to check and see if his friends wanted to join us.  There was no way I was letting this deal slip away.  After a few days of no answers and phone tag it was time for an executive decision.  We purchased the Groupon last night, got our vacation time approved today, and will book the hotel and flight this evening.  Looks like our 3 year anniversary will be spent in tropical paradise.

Quick update

So I decided to take Dr. S up on his offer of Provera to jump start my next cycle.  Since this cycle has been annovulatory I'm afraid my weird light bleeding is going to mess up my CD 1 and my chances of shedding any extra lining.  This morning we stopped at the main office on the way to work and got my blood drawn.  Just got the call back a few minutes ago.  No Provera for me.  The nurse said that the blood work showed I was close to ovulating.  What the what?  She asked me to come in again next Thursday morning to repeat the test.  Troll ovaries strike again.

We are currently trying to avoid pregnancy until final confirmation of my ute shape.  As much as I would love to get pregnant before March 18th, exactly one year since my miscarriage, it's too much of a risk.

My MRI is scheduled for Wednesday morning.  It will be with and without contrast so I've been freaking myself out with horror stories of bad reactions to the dye and fumbling techs blowing veins.  Never imagined trying to get pregnant would get so complicated.

One step at a time

Dave's mom is home and resting.  It's really scary to think that she was about three days away from a massive heart attack.  She has to start a heart healthy diet, which will be good for her and Dave's dad.

I have a MRI scheduled for next week to take more detailed scans of my sad uterus.  Dr. S wants to confirm that it is unicornuate and not just a septum or possible bicornuate.  He also wants to check out my kidneys and make sure there are two in there.  As usual, he is a pillar of optimism and reassured me that an UU should not inhibit me getting pregnant.

The HSG must have really pissed off my uterus and ovaries.  This cycle looks to be annovulatory and I have been having red to brown spotting since the weekend accompanied by sharp cramps.  Not cool body, not cool.  Hopefully the coming period will be kind enough to clean out the excess uterine lining, I'd rather not have to do the endometrial biopsy.  Lower prolactin would be good too.

Why? (Updated)

Finally got fed up with waiting and called Dr. S's office.  He was gone for the day so the earliest I will hear back is Monday.  Receptionist said she would leave him a message.

Dave's mom is in the hospital.  She's been throwing up for the past few days and FIL took her to the ER this morning.  We'll know more around five o'clock.  Update: Her left coronary artery was 95% blocked so they put in a stint.  They are keeping her overnight.

You're not supposed to be given more than you can actually handle right?